The Not-So-Simple Joys of Motherhood

It's been a while since my last post. Not much has happened, really. I swam on Saturday, October 3rd after making it through Homecoming week and did fine; about the same number of laps as my last swim, similar pace. I ordered a lap counter, a really cool one that you wear on your finger, because I just couldn't take it anymore!

Homecoming week went fine, not too much drama and the boys had a great time. Tom and I chaperoned the dance on Saturday night and enjoyed spending time with the kids.

Saturday morning Parker, my youngest, seemed a bit lethargic and started complaining of general achiness and malaise. I didn't know if he was just trying to get out of Saturday chores or if this was a legitimate complaint. My boys, for the most part, don't complain unless there's really something wrong. Years and years of training on my part; "no fever, no vomit, you're fine"! Lots of illness had been circulating around our school and area schools and I was a bit worried about what was in store. His symptoms worsened and he ended up staying home from school on Monday. I was scheduled to attempt to make it to his JH football game (rain date from the prior week) and to Connor's cross country meet. I ended up coming home after work and taking care of Parker instead. By the time Connor finished his race, he wasn't feeling well and skipped his college psychology class that evening.

They were both experiencing the same symptoms of the flu with no fever. Tuesday morning came and they stayed home from school. Mason was sent home by 10:00 with the same thing. Although they're all older, 17, 15, and 13, I still worry about them and feel like I need to take care of them and illness ALWAYS creates more laundry, no matter what! Not that I don't have enough laundry to do on a regular basis....

Add to all of this the fact that I was three weeks behind on my bible study homework, an early morning committee meeting on Wednesday, regular work responsibilities, no hope of a trip to the pool and the result is a stressed out mom. I start to wonder what I'm thinking when I have weeks like this. How can I possibly add something else to my schedule?

I decided to just forget about working out or swimming for the week and focus on my family and other responsibilities. Between Tuesday evening and Wednesday I was able to get caught up on my bible study homework enough to attend class Wednesday evening. I'm participating in a study of the book of Esther by Beth Moore. Beth is not my favorite speaker but her message is always good, even if I don't particularly care for her delivery.

Studying Esther has been really timely for me.....it's tough being a woman! I struggle finding balance in my life and haven't figured out the "magic" combination to make things flow smoothly. I have a tendency to "over do" or "under do", neither of which makes me happy. If anyone out there has the solution, please send it my way!! I'm a little like Alice in Wonderland when she sings, "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it". Aren't we all a little like that? It's easy to "fix" someone else's problem but not so easy to fix ourselves.

Back to swimming and "the journey"...... Everyone healed. Mason and Parker returned to school Thursday, Connor visited the doctor and was confirmed to have a virus. Connor didn't return to school until today and is drowning in homework. The result of my focus on everyone, but me, was a very unhappy Emily by Sunday night.

Balance doesn't mean focusing all one's attention outward in an even manner, or sacrificing everything for everyone else. It also doesn't mean feeling sorry for yourself and taking it out on those around you.

I returned to the pool tonight, a little late but I made it. I swam 25 laps / 50 lengths in about 20 minutes......pretty standard pace for me right now. I had to force myself to get out and do this, the only reason I really did it was because we were out of milk and coffee creamer; two "must haves" in my household and a trip to town was necessary.

In forcing myself to do this, I realized that I NEED THIS! Not because of the bigger picture and goal of swimming the channel but because I need this to keep my sanity. It doesn't seem logical that adding something to my plate would make things better but, somehow, it does. The other little detail I need to keep going is FEEDBACK! Here is my plea.....IF YOU READ MY BLOG, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR CLICK A FEEDBACK BOX. I need to know you're out there, listening, and that I'm not alone in this. Have you ever been surrounded by people who love and care about you and still felt lonely? (This is not a fun stage of life to experience.) And, guess what, if you leave a comment I'll be sure to reply. I have opened up my comments so that anyone can leave an "anonymous" post. I don't care who you are, just that you're out there.....

Call it a mid-life crisis if you will, I don't care. I call it a solution to life! Just as it's true that it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a world to raise an adult!